No-drama Discipline

No-drama Discipline

The Whole-brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture your Child's Developing Mind

Book - 2014
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

The pioneering experts behind  The Whole-Brain Child --Tina Payne Bryson and Daniel J. Siegel, the author of Brainstorm --now explore the ultimate child-raising challenge: discipline. Highlighting the fascinating link between a child's neurological development and the way a parent reacts to misbehavior, No-Drama Discipline provides an effective, compassionate road map for dealing with tantrums, tensions, and tears--without causing a scene.
 
Defining the true meaning of the "d" word (to instruct, not to shout or reprimand), the authors explain how to reach your child, redirect emotions, and turn a meltdown into an opportunity for growth. By doing so, the cycle of negative behavior (and punishment) is essentially brought to a halt, as problem solving becomes a win/win situation. Inside this sanity-saving guide you'll discover
 
* strategies that help parents identify their own discipline philosophy--and master the best methods to communicate the lessons they are trying to impart
* facts on child brain development--and what kind of discipline is most appropriate and constructive at all ages and stages
* the way to calmly and lovingly connect with a child--no matter how extreme the behavior--while still setting clear and consistent limits
* tips for navigating your children through a tantrum to achieve insight, empathy, and repair
* twenty discipline mistakes even the best parents make--and how to stay focused on the principles of whole-brain parenting and discipline techniques
 
Complete with candid stories and playful illustrations that bring the authors' suggestions to life, No-Drama Discipline shows you how to work with your child's developing mind, peacefully resolve conflicts, and inspire happiness and strengthen resilience in everyone in the family.

Praise for No-Drama Discipline
 
"With lucid, engaging prose accompanied by cartoon illustrations, [Daniel J.] Siegel and [Tina Payne] Bryson help parents teach and communicate more effectively." -- Publishers Weekly
 
"A lot of fascinating insights . . . an eye-opener worth reading." -- Parents
 
"Insightful . . . The ideas presented in this latest book can actually be applied to all of our relationships, as it will help us in many circumstances to be able to calm down, have empathy for another person, and then communicate in a constructive way about our concerns and proposed solutions. What works to help children learn and behave better might also help our world's leaders and large groups of people get along better, as many of us adults failed to develop these mindsight skills as we were growing up and we tend to sabotage our relationships with others as a result. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, or just a person who wishes to learn to get along better with others, you may find some valuable insights in No-Drama Discipline ." -- Examiner.com

"Wow! This book grabbed me from the very first page and did not let go. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explain extremely well why punishment is a dead-end strategy. Then they describe what to do instead. By making the latest breakthroughs in brain science accessible to any parent, they show why empathy and connection are the royal road to cooperation, discipline, and family harmony." --Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of The Opposite of Worry
Publisher: New York : Bantam, ©2014.
ISBN: 9780345548047
Characteristics: xxviii, 255 pages :,illustrations ;,25 cm.
Additional Contributors: Bryson, Tina Payne - Author

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bell5133
Nov 13, 2019

I read this book because my own child is disobedient more than not, and my gentle discipline wasn’t too effective in the long term (over 24 hours). I primarily used time-outs. I was hoping to get some good discipline advice from this book, but it provided the opposite. Only follow their advice if you want your child to grow up to be a self-centered spoiled brat who can’t deal with the real world. Their disciplining strategies were even less effective than my own.

Makes scientific claims like “when we discipline with threats . . . We activate the defensive circuits of our child’s reactive reptilian downstairs brain” (46-47), but there are no citations provided. The authors talk down to the readers with terms like “upstairs and downstairs brains” like they have no capability of digesting the actual terminology of the brain. And I suppose we readers are just supposed to take their word for it about all their scientific claims. Yet they quote Sherlock Holmes who said, “It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts” (111). They put their hypocrisy on display again (113-115) when they tell you to not ask your child why they did something (obtaining data), but just ask *yourself* why and guess about it (theorize).

The book says that true spoiling is giving children “the sense that the world and people around them will serve their whims” and “when parents shelter their children from having to struggle at all” (90). But this treatment is exactly what the parents are giving to their kids in the examples this book gives.

The book is filled with cartoon illustrations which almost always show angry kids when the parent is disciplining “wrong,” but happy or sad but hopeful kids when the parent is disciplining “right.” What’s more realistic is for the kid to be angry and crying in every picture no matter what the parent does. But the authors probably don’t want to draw the pictures realistically, because then it would bring attention to how ridiculous THEIR advice is.

The book literally says this is the kind of message you want to send your kids: “What you’re sharing with me right now is crucial—more important than anything going on around us, even more important than anything I want to say” (124). And they don’t think this is going to create kids who are spoiled, feel entitled, and think the world revolves around them?! You SHOULD listen to your kids, but that doesn’t mean the kid shouldn’t listen to the parent! Who is the teacher? Who is the adult? Who is smarter and wiser? In most cases, it’s the parent! How can you teach your kids to be better, if all you’re doing is listening to them whine and validating their emotions? The book even says not to talk to your kid when they’re upset, except to repeat what they say to you and make an empathy statement (132), because they think kids are too stupid to learn anything when they’re upset. If that were true, then kids of generations past who were NOT disciplined gently would not have learned any lessons. But kids of generations past DID learn from their upbringing, and it can be argued that the kids of generations past were better behaved and more mature and respectful than kids today.

Maybe instead of trying to be trendy and progressive by following the advice of people with unproven theories, we should think about what strategies worked in the past to produce mature, responsible, stable, well-mannered adults. As this book says, don’t let ‘experts’ trump your own instincts (244).

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sarah99au
Jul 31, 2019

I have 4 kids and have taken classes on child-rearing since I was in high school but this one takes the cake. It's so introspective and helpful and I've seen a dramatic difference in my children as well as myself after reading and applying so many of the important lessons taught in this piece!

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